Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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