Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
