YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
