Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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