I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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