I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
