u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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