And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
