Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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