just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
