Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
