When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
