THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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