Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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