As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
