Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
