They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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