so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
