just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's blow job season.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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