i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
