I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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