yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
