So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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