So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
