if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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