My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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