I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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