I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
bring money and cleavage
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
