I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
