I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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