dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
