Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
