I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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