My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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