I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
