Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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