im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
