Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
