My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
