so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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