Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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