That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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