tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
