"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize