just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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