sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
