Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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