I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize