see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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