i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
don't judge my taste in strippers
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
