You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
