I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
