Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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