The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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