Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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