Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
