I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
