Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
