are you so shy because you have an std?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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