you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
