yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
