So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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