Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
