FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
