So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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