I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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